Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
you inspire me to be a worse person
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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