found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
