Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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