Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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