She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
