I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
