what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
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