Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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