I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
