hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
