I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I feel like a drive thru vagina
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
