If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
