You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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