i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
