...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
