dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
