How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
