im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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