how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
