Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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