I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
