It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
someone owes me an orgasm
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
