I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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