Jerry, you need to find god
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
