forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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