Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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