he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
