Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
