I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The power of my boobs compel you
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
