She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
