I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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