What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
