So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
