Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
