WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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