Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
