just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
