I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
