I'm going to rape someone's good day.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize