Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
