you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
