I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
