I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
