wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize