is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
