The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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