That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize