Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
