using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
