accomplished twins. life is a go
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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