am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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