I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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