Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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