The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
