Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
