The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
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