I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
accomplished twins. life is a go
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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