how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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