I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
