dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize