Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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