I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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