So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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