I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
