It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
