Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
