I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
