Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
where does the pee come out of this thing
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
