I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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