so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
