You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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