hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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