So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
