you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
