I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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