You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
