I'm sorry my penis didn't work
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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