I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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