Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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