nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
