lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
