I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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