Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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