we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
