look no pants
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
