You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
