I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
