I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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