happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
