Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
