i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize