Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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