if only i could text you this smell
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
