im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
