I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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