and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
