I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
