I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
